Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Variety show

Past week has been pretty varied... and dull at the same time. Quite a large bit of it was just spent playing a video game (League of Legends, a pretty good DotA clone). However, there have been a few other occasions worth mentioning as well

Met the angel again, for the third time. And again, we kind of clicked and spent a lot more time together than originally planned.

I saw "Love for 3 oranges" (an estonian cult theatrical piece from the beginning of 90-s) for the first time. It was good, as suspected.

Midsummers night was spent in a very small company - with just 4 people. One of them was a surprise guest - my ex-classmate whom I went to the same class for both middle and high school. It was relatively quiet, but nonetheless quite enjoyable.

Last, but not least, Estonian Physics Society had its summer days in Nelijärve. Co-hosted with a GLOBE conference and an Energetics conference and a seminar of ESTCUBE satellite project. Good occasion for networking - both with people I knew before and those I did not. Sauna, swimming, singing and orienteering. All in all, 2 very very enjoyable, abeit sleep deprived days.

And - of course - the ride back to Tartu or 140 km on the back of a Harley. I get why people like motorcycles... I really do.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

All the world's a stage

Went to Pärnu for theater two days ago. "For Hecuba", as the piece was called. Best theatrical experience I have had in my life. This despite really crappy seats...

The evening was followed with a bike-ride through darkening Pärnu, a visit to an old friend's grave, accompanying her mother... A deep and long discussion, followed by a night of relatively little sleep.

And a somewhat uncomfortable, although enjoyable bus ride back to Tartu for a full day of work and seminars.

All the world's a stage
And all the men and women merely players

- Shakespeare

The topic of games and players has been hanging overhead these past few days. Subject of a long discussion today with A., who reminded me that one should really consider the option of not playing as a potential tactic - especially with people you actually want in your life.

Although - the distinction between playing and not playing is blurry at best and non-existent at worst. But in the end, it is just a semantic category, but what really matters is your motivations and behavior itself - and one should make sure these two are aligned. Especially in terms of long-term goals.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Ground control to Major Tom

The past week has been... unusual.

All due to a certain book I have been reading. Very well written, and not to be taken too seriously, but still - eye-opening in terms of small and simple things.

And it really is amazing what a framework for thinking about certain things can give you...

Still, it's a matter of practice and calibration... which does occasionally involve overshooting. But still, it is better than simple trial and error, as the newfound framework helps me estimate what I did wrong and by how much.

Although, feedback systems could always be better. Not that I'm complaining

And if this post makes no sense what so ever - think of it as an exercise of lateral thinking and try to find a world in which it does. And if you do, tell me ;)

Thursday, June 9, 2011

I know the pieces fit

I know the pieces fit
'Cause I watched them fall away
Mildewed and smouldering
Fundamental differing

-- "Schism" by Tool

In the end of January, my life literally came crashing down. One of my employers had no use for me, the other just had a managerial change. My girlfriend broke up with me. And one of my best friends died. Not a good place to be.

However, it is not what happens to us but what we make of it that counts. And looking back on the half a year that has since passed... well, I am a stronger and better adjusted person now. Moreso than ever before. And I doubt I would have made this progress without having hit the bottom.

For it is the hard and painful experiences that force us to deal with our problems. A life full of comfort and security quickly turns stale, and the only way forward is through continual change.

My life is slowly coming together now. Ideas for both near and far future. To an outside observer, it may well look like I am doing 10 completely unrelated things, but for myself, there is a general guiding principle - like a 10 voice polyphonic composition, where the strains, though distinct, are still guided by one guiding idea.

The great art of counterpoint in living. An art I have by no means mastered, so there is still some cacophony in what is going on. But as the only way to get good at something is by trying things out and experimenting with them, I view the occasional lapses as a prerequisite to progress.

For it does not make sense to fear failure any more. After all, being wrong is an opportunity, even a privilege.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Last night I had that dream again (or Sweet Dreams, vol 3)

I almost never remember my dreams, but this morning, I did so pretty vividly.

I had just been drafted, and was riding in a bus to a military encampment... calling my boss and explaining what had happened and asking if he could do something, for if not, he would have to reschedule all of the next semesters teaching duties. Also thinking that hey, I had been released from military duty a few years ago... but then again, that exercise would probably do me good.

Oh yes, and panicking about losing my dreads, of course. That probably being the only thing classifying it as a nightmare...

I have had a pretty stressful week behind me. Waking up each morning at 7 or 8 to have a meeting with someone (journalist, students, rector, ex-boss and vice-dean, resp.) and then spending the last two hours of each day at the library, doing volounteer work helping students with their maths problems. As most of the waking time was spent working, and I still had a considerable sleep dept from last week, I was pretty burnt out by the end of it.

As for the military theme, that probably came from one of my friends who had just been released from his one year of mandatory service and whom I met up with yesterday. Talked a bit, played some music and then headed to a party a mutual friend had invited us to. Got back from there at around 4, feeling pretty good on average, both about a full week of work, and life in general too..

And, I actually have to admit, seeing a vivid dream in over a few years was a nice cherry on the cake for the past two weeks.