Homeless for a day

Well, almost.

After getting back from Pärnu, I realized I had misplaced my keys. After searching all my pockets thrice, I first called the place I stayed at to see whether I had left the keys there. As this did not seem to be the case.. I got a bit anxious, but calmed myself quickly by finding another plausible hypothesis: that I had left keys home, and that my roommate had locked me out with his.

Next call was to my friend who should have had my spare key. She did not, however, having had forgotten it in a box in an attic in a place where she formerly lived. Nevertheless, she invited me over to a mutual friend who she was currently staying at.

And when I got there, she hit me with a laptop. Within 10 minutes of me getting there. I completely deserved it, though, being pretty tired and thus quite inconsiderate of other people.

When i got there, the battery to my phone also ran empty - so I was away from my home, and without my phone. So I had no alarm clock. This was not a problem, as the friend I was staying with had just woken up and planned to be working through the night.

Insomnia. Despite being quite tired, I only got to sleep at around 1... only to be woken up by the friend jumping on my bed at 8.15.

Got to work at 9.15. Very cold outside, but nice, also. Took the key to my office from the guard, grabbed a cup of coffee and then started work. Went to lunch at around one, bought a recharger cable for my phone and got back....

to a student waiting for me - which made me remember I had had two appointments for that day, and that I had already missed one (as my external memory had run out of juice). Thankfully, the other appointment was still around in the building, so I found him and apologized (after having finished with the first).

Oh yes, and my roommate had found my keys from inside my other coat, like I suspected... so everything ended well :)

Unusual

Yesterday, I went to see basketball for the first time in my life. Reason - I had been given the season ticket for my services as one of the new advertisement faces posted at the basketball court. "Thoughtful sport" - with pictures that have scientists staring down basketball players.

The guy I was posted opposed against, Rain Veideman, played most of the match, and was either the biggest or the second biggest scorer. UT won over Tallinn University100-something to 60-something.

After that, it was back to the university library, to the mathematics helpdesk me and Taavi have been organizing. It was an unusually busy evening there. I guess word is catching on.

Once we finished at around 1 a clock, Taavi drove me home. I threw my bag in the door, grabbed my staff and went to the nearby park to practice my juggling. It's improving, but as with every skill, it takes time and patience - both of which I somewhat lack recently.

After getting home, I cooked dinner, then grabbed my book and two pillows, threw them into the (empty) bath tub and climbed in after them in order to read.

The reason for me reading in the bath tub is actually quite prosaic - the lightbulbs of my floor lamp both burned out recently and I had not yet had time to go to the store and replace them - so I had no way of lighting my bedroom enough to read there. Bathroom was the next sensible option.

As has been usual recently, I fell asleep at around 3.

This is me - now

The end of a year is always a time of reflection. Time to think back on the previous year.

For me, it has been a year of very quick personal development. The year of growing up - both culturally (as I graduated with a PhD and now have a "real job"), socially (understanding social interactions much better than before) and emotionally (as it has been a year of great loss and rejection and learning to live with them).

Rather than describe the year (like last time), I choose to describe the person I am now, nearing my 25-th birthday.

I understand the distinction between accepting someone's point of view (i.e. understanding what they see and agreeing that they have a right to do so) and agreeing with it, and realize that the former is considerably more important, especially in close relationships with friends, family and partners.

I understand that friends are the people who accept you as you are, even when they do not like everything that you do. The only way to build that is through shared experience, where you constantly prove your understanding and acceptance via actions, not words.

I believe in giving other people the space to be who they are for doing anything else will drive them away.

I believe in and practice a growth mindset. In brief, this means I believe that:

• mistakes are there to be learnt from, not to be ashamed and swept under the carpet, that it is completely normal to try something and fail - as long as you learn from it;
• that through work one can develop most anything (including musical hearing and social skills);
• that past a certain point, practice plays a far more important role than IQ or "talent";
• that we are all capable of improving and that this should be one of the goals in life.

I believe that compliments should be given only for concrete deeds and effort put into them as otherwise they are just manipulation - you say you approve of the person, but in reality, he should learn to trust his/her own judgements. The proper way to take a compliment is "Thank you".

I believe that constructive criticism is always directed at deeds (which can be done differently next time) and never towards character traits (i.e. "stupid", "slow" and "lazy" which provide no positive program).

The proper way to respond to constructive criticism is to acknowledge it and accept it. Less functional ways include apologies and explanations - which are insulting to the other party.

I believe reality is there to be accepted as we are presented with it, not as how we would like it to be. This includes my own flaws, if they are pointed out to me. Acceptance, without blame or self-pity.

I believe that anxiety and worry are dysfunctional in 99% of situations, as they rarely makethings better in the moment. If they arrives, it is good to acknowledge them, but then give yourself permission to let go of them and concentrate on the situation itself rather than the fear it provokes.

I am decisive in what I do, in the sense of having the courage to make descisions and the sense not to regret them once they are made. I believe I can affect the world around me and also choose how I interpret or react to it - and it is me, who therefore makes myself happy or sad, not the objective outside world. I believe that I alone am responsible for my own happiness and well-being, both physical and emotional.

I do not believe in goals, but my aim in life is development as a person, both in understanding the world around and inside me, and helping others do the same.

I will not embody all these principles in all situations, as I am only human, but I strive to live by all of them as I believe they lead to a healthier life than the alternatives.

This is me. Now.