Hedgehogs

I met yet another person who so reminded me of M.

This time, however, he was male.

But, it was sad hearing him describe how his girlfriend has just kept on pushing and pushing, and how he has grown to like her less and less.

"I used to feel good after being together with her. This has changed."

Some things can't be forced. And sometimes, more effort does not give a better result.

Its like the hedgehogs. If you catch one, their first reaction is to curl up into a ball, so that they are prickly all over. So anywhere you touch them, you get hurt. They do not do this to hurt you, but because they are scared. But the more you try to cuddle them, the tighter they curl up and the longer they take to uncurl.

Another quote from R. that I was saving for just this post. This time two sentences;

"You have to give the other person room to love you. If you do all the loving, of course the other one is going to run out."

This is not only the case between men and women, by the way. For instance, about a week ago I realised that this is probably the main reason why me and my mother have only grown more distant as time goes on. She tries to do everything she can for me, and the more she tries, the less I let her. It's instinctive, as I am struggling to hold on to my independence and feel that her help is a threat to it. Not a very grown-up reaction, so I will try to do better from now on.

This also happens with friends sometimes. You see that a friend has a problem, and ask about it, and get the equivalent of "Mind your own business". What they really mean is "Please leave me alone, I really do not want to talk about it".. because saying "I do not want to talk about it" is usually just a way of saying "I do want to talk about it". I know all too well now, since I have been on both the giving and the receiving ends.

In such cases, asking about the reaction is the equivalent of poking the hedgehog and - again - it is best to just let the friend be. He probably knows you are there and willing to listen, and will use that opportunity when he needs it. And he probably did not mean anything bad to you, even if he said otherwise.

After all, it is a completely natural stress reaction. Reflexive. Like with hedgehogs.