This is me - now

The end of a year is always a time of reflection. Time to think back on the previous year.

For me, it has been a year of very quick personal development. The year of growing up - both culturally (as I graduated with a PhD and now have a "real job"), socially (understanding social interactions much better than before) and emotionally (as it has been a year of great loss and rejection and learning to live with them).

Rather than describe the year (like last time), I choose to describe the person I am now, nearing my 25-th birthday.

I understand the distinction between accepting someone's point of view (i.e. understanding what they see and agreeing that they have a right to do so) and agreeing with it, and realize that the former is considerably more important, especially in close relationships with friends, family and partners.

I understand that friends are the people who accept you as you are, even when they do not like everything that you do. The only way to build that is through shared experience, where you constantly prove your understanding and acceptance via actions, not words.

I believe in giving other people the space to be who they are for doing anything else will drive them away.

I believe in and practice a growth mindset. In brief, this means I believe that:

• mistakes are there to be learnt from, not to be ashamed and swept under the carpet, that it is completely normal to try something and fail - as long as you learn from it;
• that through work one can develop most anything (including musical hearing and social skills);
• that past a certain point, practice plays a far more important role than IQ or "talent";
• that we are all capable of improving and that this should be one of the goals in life.

I believe that compliments should be given only for concrete deeds and effort put into them as otherwise they are just manipulation - you say you approve of the person, but in reality, he should learn to trust his/her own judgements. The proper way to take a compliment is "Thank you".

I believe that constructive criticism is always directed at deeds (which can be done differently next time) and never towards character traits (i.e. "stupid", "slow" and "lazy" which provide no positive program).

The proper way to respond to constructive criticism is to acknowledge it and accept it. Less functional ways include apologies and explanations - which are insulting to the other party.

I believe reality is there to be accepted as we are presented with it, not as how we would like it to be. This includes my own flaws, if they are pointed out to me. Acceptance, without blame or self-pity.

I believe that anxiety and worry are dysfunctional in 99% of situations, as they rarely makethings better in the moment. If they arrives, it is good to acknowledge them, but then give yourself permission to let go of them and concentrate on the situation itself rather than the fear it provokes.

I am decisive in what I do, in the sense of having the courage to make descisions and the sense not to regret them once they are made. I believe I can affect the world around me and also choose how I interpret or react to it - and it is me, who therefore makes myself happy or sad, not the objective outside world. I believe that I alone am responsible for my own happiness and well-being, both physical and emotional.

I do not believe in goals, but my aim in life is development as a person, both in understanding the world around and inside me, and helping others do the same.

I will not embody all these principles in all situations, as I am only human, but I strive to live by all of them as I believe they lead to a healthier life than the alternatives.

This is me. Now.