Considering this, my last post was somewhat off the mark. I did enjoy the weekend, and Saturday was indeed exactly what I needed but in the rest...
I have exhausted myself with work, to the point where I really do not have anything left to give to the people around me - neither to the new acquaintances nor to my old friends.
Not that I do not enjoy being with people - quite the opposite, at least with my old friends. It feels somewhat better than it has in the past - probably because the anxiety has faded and I feel I can actually relax and be myself around people - and am somewhat forced to be so, due to lack of energy.
Nevertheless, I would like to reciprocate more. Offer up fun ideas, and do them. Be more active, take the lead. The normal reaction would be to want to jump right into it and just do it, but at the moment, it feels like too much work. A sure sign something is wrong.
So time to make some revisions:
Three meals a day,
At most 2 cups of coffee a day, (1, e.v.)
8+ hrs of sleep, habitually,
Taiji, two times a week.
Also, cutting down on (already fairly low-key) social life for a while might be a good idea.
Or, rather, being a bit more honest with what I want and need (and risk upsetting the other person and being rejected). I don't really think I have much to lose, but I do have quite a bit to gain.
Someone to cuddle up and watch "Groundhog day" with, for instance. With no anxiety or expectations as to what should or will happen after.
Happiness doesn't take much. In fact, I think I have come to realize that it doesn't take anything. It is not a state of having, but a state of being...
And it is not as if I am missing something from my life... except for 2 out of 3 meals a day, but this should be easy to fix.
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