In my rear view mirror, My life is getting clearer

Hey hey! I finally found my way, say goodbye to yesterday
Hit the gas, there ain't no brakes on this lost highway
- Bon Jovi, "Lost Highway"

Just to get it out of the way early: Im not a big Bon Jovi fan. But I do enjoy their music every once and a while.

But not enough to drive to Bucharest only to see their concert. Thankfully, that was never the plan.

I will keep it short and personal here. For my estonian friends interested in a longer account of what went on, I recommend you read our travel blog that the 6 of us co-authored. There are also a lot of pictures there, so I recommend anyone interested in those also go check it out.

When the bus arrived at my doorstep on the 6-th of July, it was 5 in the evening already. We had a stop in Valga, where we went to a Korean restaurant that had Seljanka as it's daily special, then proceeded to Latvia, where we camped out on the beach for the first night.

The next three days were spent driving - first to Warsaw, then Budapest and finally to Brasov (just north of Bucharest). Wich was fine by me, as I had quite a few books with me, and Arti had bought his guitar along, which allowed me to practice my chords too, if I wanted. Mostly on old Terminaator songs, which, incidentally, was also what mostly came out of the CD player. Nostalgic, as I realized I still remembered the lyrics to most of the songs - and since I was at the very back most of the time, I could sing along to the songs without disturbing anyone.

Nights were spent socializing alongside drinks. Except for the first night (camped out) and the last few nights (spent either on the beach or driving), we mostly stayed at hostels, but were up til 3-4.

The concert was actually quite fun. We arrived about an hour and a half early, which allowed all of us to get pretty decent places. I was separated from the rest, as I had a ticket to a different zone since I had only bought it on arrival to Bucharest. Nevertheless, I was close enough to see the band, and the screens showed everything important anyhow. Band played for nearly two and a half hours, which is quite an impressive feat in a 30 degree heat (which stayed even after the sunset). And there really were a lot of people - estimates of around 50 000 were thrown around by the band, I think.

However, this was only where the fun began. The next day, we drove to Bulgaria, to the coast of the Black sea, and then stayed there for a day. Had a jellyfish sting me just to feel how it was - after everyone else had been stung by accident already. They were pretty weak there - but there was a plant in the forest that cut our legs up pretty nicely when we went for a hike.

Oh yes - and two people from the group got really bad sunburns - despite using sunscreen.

We then started back, and devoted one day to seeing Romania - both its natural beauty and its castles. Since the cars GPS didn't have Romanian maps but my phone did, I took the role of navigator and gave the drivers a challenge in the form of winding Romanian mountain roads. Both of them thoroughly enjoyed it though. As for the rest of us - Romania really is beautiful, and you do only see it once you drive through a few remote villages (preferably blasting Rammstein through the speakers). We did.

The next day was spent in Slovakian Tartar mountain range - Hiking. Since it was just a day-long hike, we figured one backpack would do, and since Arti had burnt his back on the beach, I was the one who carried the bag (containing our food and water supplies) most of the trip. The trail was mostly walkable, but there were a few stretches that required using hands as well. The track was by no means easy (and I had blisters from my hiking boots for two more weeks), but one of the girls managed to do it in her slippers (which quite a few other hikers also noticed and photographed). At least there were ample opportunities to refill our water bottles from the cold springs, so we did not have to ration the supplies - and in the end I realized one 2l water bottle was left completely untouched during the whole trip.

Getting down from the mountain also proved quite interesting. There was a ski-lift, but it cost 6 eur per person, and we forgot to bring our wallets - so we needed Aivar (who had stayed down to sleep, since he drove all night) to come up and bring us the money. Oh yes, and we also forgot to pack sunscreen to our hike, so the people who were burnt before now got only worse...

The next two days and nights were spent in the car again - which gave me quite a bit of time to reflect on my life, the trip and the reading I had done.

I needed time to think to get the memories from my mind

My month of vacation has been indescribably cool. I have done a lot of different and crazy things, most of which I thoroughly enjoyed.

So what did I do:

On 3 of July I wrote the following as my Facebook status:
"I have three weeks of vacation starting from next week. If anyone has any cool ideas for which they would like my company, please let me know. The weirder the better."

I got three replies which led to:

A car trip to a Bon Jovi concert in Bucharest (6-15 july)
An evening discussing artificial intelligence (16 july)
Half a week in London visiting a friend from the Uni (20-24 july)

In between I spent a day showing tourists around Tallinn with the Angel (18 july)

However, that did not conclude my vacation for:

I went to a hitchhiking competition with a friend (25-28 july) and
I dabbled in performance art at Viljandi Folk festival (29 july)

However, I have had practically no time to write about everything that has happened, and I will attempt to do so now, one event at a time.

Since this blog partially serves as a reminder for myself, I will backdate the following few posts to the time when the events actually took place.

Variety show

Past week has been pretty varied... and dull at the same time. Quite a large bit of it was just spent playing a video game (League of Legends, a pretty good DotA clone). However, there have been a few other occasions worth mentioning as well

Met the angel again, for the third time. And again, we kind of clicked and spent a lot more time together than originally planned.

I saw "Love for 3 oranges" (an estonian cult theatrical piece from the beginning of 90-s) for the first time. It was good, as suspected.

Midsummers night was spent in a very small company - with just 4 people. One of them was a surprise guest - my ex-classmate whom I went to the same class for both middle and high school. It was relatively quiet, but nonetheless quite enjoyable.

Last, but not least, Estonian Physics Society had its summer days in Nelijärve. Co-hosted with a GLOBE conference and an Energetics conference and a seminar of ESTCUBE satellite project. Good occasion for networking - both with people I knew before and those I did not. Sauna, swimming, singing and orienteering. All in all, 2 very very enjoyable, abeit sleep deprived days.

And - of course - the ride back to Tartu or 140 km on the back of a Harley. I get why people like motorcycles... I really do.

All the world's a stage

Went to Pärnu for theater two days ago. "For Hecuba", as the piece was called. Best theatrical experience I have had in my life. This despite really crappy seats...

The evening was followed with a bike-ride through darkening Pärnu, a visit to an old friend's grave, accompanying her mother... A deep and long discussion, followed by a night of relatively little sleep.

And a somewhat uncomfortable, although enjoyable bus ride back to Tartu for a full day of work and seminars.

All the world's a stage
And all the men and women merely players
- Shakespeare

The topic of games and players has been hanging overhead these past few days. Subject of a long discussion today with A., who reminded me that one should really consider the option of not playing as a potential tactic - especially with people you actually want in your life.

Although - the distinction between playing and not playing is blurry at best and non-existent at worst. But in the end, it is just a semantic category, but what really matters is your motivations and behavior itself - and one should make sure these two are aligned. Especially in terms of long-term goals.

Ground control to Major Tom

The past week has been... unusual.

All due to a certain book I have been reading. Very well written, and not to be taken too seriously, but still - eye-opening in terms of small and simple things.

And it really is amazing what a framework for thinking about certain things can give you...

Still, it's a matter of practice and calibration... which does occasionally involve overshooting. But still, it is better than simple trial and error, as the newfound framework helps me estimate what I did wrong and by how much.

Although, feedback systems could always be better. Not that I'm complaining

And if this post makes no sense what so ever - think of it as an exercise of lateral thinking and try to find a world in which it does. And if you do, tell me ;)

I know the pieces fit

I know the pieces fit
'Cause I watched them fall away
Mildewed and smouldering
Fundamental differing
-- "Schism" by Tool

In the end of January, my life literally came crashing down. One of my employers had no use for me, the other just had a managerial change. My girlfriend broke up with me. And one of my best friends died. Not a good place to be.

However, it is not what happens to us but what we make of it that counts. And looking back on the half a year that has since passed... well, I am a stronger and better adjusted person now. Moreso than ever before. And I doubt I would have made this progress without having hit the bottom.

For it is the hard and painful experiences that force us to deal with our problems. A life full of comfort and security quickly turns stale, and the only way forward is through continual change.

My life is slowly coming together now. Ideas for both near and far future. To an outside observer, it may well look like I am doing 10 completely unrelated things, but for myself, there is a general guiding principle - like a 10 voice polyphonic composition, where the strains, though distinct, are still guided by one guiding idea.

The great art of counterpoint in living. An art I have by no means mastered, so there is still some cacophony in what is going on. But as the only way to get good at something is by trying things out and experimenting with them, I view the occasional lapses as a prerequisite to progress.

For it does not make sense to fear failure any more. After all, being wrong is an opportunity, even a privilege.

Last night I had that dream again (or Sweet Dreams, vol 3)

I almost never remember my dreams, but this morning, I did so pretty vividly.

I had just been drafted, and was riding in a bus to a military encampment... calling my boss and explaining what had happened and asking if he could do something, for if not, he would have to reschedule all of the next semesters teaching duties. Also thinking that hey, I had been released from military duty a few years ago... but then again, that exercise would probably do me good.

Oh yes, and panicking about losing my dreads, of course. That probably being the only thing classifying it as a nightmare...

I have had a pretty stressful week behind me. Waking up each morning at 7 or 8 to have a meeting with someone (journalist, students, rector, ex-boss and vice-dean, resp.) and then spending the last two hours of each day at the library, doing volounteer work helping students with their maths problems. As most of the waking time was spent working, and I still had a considerable sleep dept from last week, I was pretty burnt out by the end of it.

As for the military theme, that probably came from one of my friends who had just been released from his one year of mandatory service and whom I met up with yesterday. Talked a bit, played some music and then headed to a party a mutual friend had invited us to. Got back from there at around 4, feeling pretty good on average, both about a full week of work, and life in general too..

And, I actually have to admit, seeing a vivid dream in over a few years was a nice cherry on the cake for the past two weeks.