India - Day 11

Went to the school again, this time to set up a wireless router. However, there seemed to be no internet connection.. and when I asked about it, the head mistress told me that they had had it switched off as they could use the broadband wireless connection.. so I first had to explain I cannot really share a connection that does not exist and then to figure out how to share internet connectivity gained from a USB dongle. Fortunately, It wasn't hard.

I then tried riding the scooter again. Did a bit better than last time, but I still did not dare to go to the streets with it. So I went for a walk instead, firstly to go get something to eat and then to see the national park nearby. The park was closed, though, so I just sat down in its vicinity and thought about life and its meaning for about an hour.

Im sad to report that the more I think about things, the more meaningless everything becomes. The world is just slowly floating away from me and I really have nothing in it that I would want to hold on to desperately. The more I think about it, the less I believe in the possibility of making the world a better place. The world has its own way of coping even with the biggest of catastrophes. To us, the poverty here might seem appalling, but to people actually living in it, it is just life as usual - they treat all this as normal, and, as everyone else, just try to find ways of moving upwards, if they can, whilst otherwise accepting what they have got.

All this comes from a person who has helped fix computers and install internet for two different charities by now, both of which are very grateful to me. Gratitude I do not deserve. I still try to help out, however and whenever I can, but the more I think about it, the less I feel it actually does any good.

All this is not depressing to me.. just worrisome, for I fear where it may very well lead. But emotionally, I do not feel neither anxious nor sad. For the moment, I still have over two weeks to sort things out in my head.. No point in rushing things. After all, that drifting away is one of the reasons I chose to come here.

In the evening, I sat on the balkony with Dave and Alex and we talked about life, universe and everything.. later, Alex left and we continued with just Dave. It was quite interesting, as we managed to discuss things in the wide spectrum ranging from morality in business to ex-girlfriends.